Monster
by ForeverDreamer12
Summary: It all happened so fast. We were arguing about something I can't even remember... I didn't mean to do it, I swear... I just lost control... I thought I could control the fire inside of me... I don't even know whether or not I regret the words I said... But I do know one thing... I am a monster. (Rated T for language)


**Hello~**

**Just a warning: Major swearing in this. Probably the worst thing I've ever written uncensored.**

**In case you're confused, every line break is a change in POV, switching back and forth between the two main characters. I'm sure you can figure it out from there.**

**Enjoy.**

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~Monster~

-A Fairy Tail Oneshot-

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It all happened so fast.

We were arguing about something I can't even remember... All I can recall was that it was serious...it wasn't one of our little playful fights that normally happen between us. I was furious, and she was yelling at the top of her lungs. Every guild member's eyes were on us, watching with bated breath.

I didn't mean to do it, I swear... I just lost control... Maybe they were right to call me freak way back then. A monster. A boy possessed by a demon. That's what I was to the random passerby that saw me angry as a child. They saw me scream for a father that never came home... They saw me punch old boxes and brick walls without even flinching... I can still hear their voices whispering, _"Monster...demon..."_

I ignored their words. I thought I could control the fire inside of me... Anger is my strength, my fuel... But it is also my greatest weakness...

* * *

Tears fall down my cheeks like waterfalls, not slowing, not stopping. My hands are still shaking... I can taste the bitter words I said to him in my mouth...they're like poison... I shouldn't be mad anymore, especially since I don't remember what the fight was about...but...I can't help it.

Because I'm scared. I'm scared of the boy I thought I knew, I thought I loved. I'm scared of the darkness inside of him that he can't control...

I'm scared he'll hurt me again.

* * *

Rain falls from the sky in small crystal droplets, soaking me through. My head is hung down, hiding my face from any who may pass by. I don't want them to see me crying... But...of course...the rain helps me there...

I always thought I was strong...I always thought I could conquer the world...but in reality...I am so, so weak...

_"It's your fault we're in this mess!" She angrily steps towards me, shaking with fury. "Every single damn time something happens, it's your fault! YOURS! It's never mine, or Erza's, or even Gray's! You've got to pull yourself together! You're acting like a reckless fool!"_

_I grabbed her left wrist. "I did nothing wrong," I snarl. "In fact, I saved your life **again**, and this is how you repay me?! Every time you were in trouble, every single time, I saved your ass over and over again! And you don't even care, do you?! Don't you realize **I** was the one who even brought you here?! Stop acting so ungrateful! Sure, I've screwed up before, but so has everyone! That's the way life is! It isn't all rainbows and sunshine! People live, people die, people scream, people cry! That's **life**!"_

I squeeze my eyes shut. I feel so horrible... I don't even know whether or not I regret the words I said... But I do know one thing... I am a monster.

* * *

My ears are still ringing from his shout...those words he said that were so much more truthful than mine... I can't believe the things I did simply because I was angry...if anything, I was the one who screwed up...

But I still can't forgive him...

* * *

_I grasp her wrist tighter, staring straight into her deep brown eyes. "If this is how you feel, then I'll-"_

_And then she screamed. The sound was high, shrill, and heartbreaking. I'd learned to hate that sound with a passion... Her eyes filled with tears in seconds as she struggled to break free from my hold. Shocked, I dropped her wrist. She cradled it like a wounded puppy, her eyes wide with fear. "Monster!" she screamed. That one word I hated so much... "You're a monster, Natsu Dragneel! I don't ever want to see you again!"_

_And then...she ran...leaving me behind to sink in my sorrow..._

"Fuck..." I hiss, realizing where I've ended up. Of course I walked to her house...it's kind of a routine now, isn't it? I stand there, below her open window, trembling slightly. Being the guilty fool that I am, I climb up to her windowsill and perch there, like a bird on a tree branch.

There she is, seated on her bed, sobbing into her hands. Her hair is a mess, sticking out in five directions. Her skin looks pale in the faint light, and as she pulls her hands away from her eyes I can see the tears. Then I see it...her left wrist...red and angry, covered with small bumps... A lump forms in my throat... This is all my fault...

Because I burned her...

* * *

I pull my hands away from my eyes, shaking violently. Sobbing uncontrollably, I gaze at my severely burned wrist... I can't believe this is happening... This has to be a dream...

But I know it isn't...this is real...

"Lucy?" I don't even have to look up to know who it is...

"Go away..." I reply, my voice shaking. "I don't want anything to do with you..."

"Lucy..."

"I don't want to hear it!" I scream, leaping off my bed. Trembling, I stumble towards the window. I can hear the rain pouring outside, splattering like my tears. "I don't want to hear your stupid excuses! You **HURT** me! I don't want to be anywhere near you!"

He is silent, not replying to my outburst. I can't even bear to look at his face, or even say his name. It would hurt too much. Because...even through all this...I still love him. I'm such a fool, loving the one who I've learned to hate... Love and hate walk hand in hand...

I reach up towards the open window, my hands unsteady as I prepare to slide it shut in his face. I'm going to close the door on my old life... I'm going to leave tomorrow, with no goodbyes and no looking back.

But saying that I won't miss him would be a complete lie... I will miss his smile, his laugh, his inspiring words, his playful attitude, his positivity, his pink hair, his scarf, his loyalty, his bravery, his stubborn determination...hell, I'm going to miss everything about the boy he used to be.

"I'm sorry," he suddenly says, his voice cracking. That was all he said, and then he jumped backwards towards the pavement. Something snaps in me in that moment... The water on his face wasn't rain...he was crying. Crying because he felt guilty, crying because he was full of regret, crying because he still cared about me... For one split second, I thought he was falling to his death.

I scream, reaching my left hand towards him. Somehow, I caught his wrist, stopping his fall. His dark eyes gaze upon my face, wide and filled with surprise. The rain was falling slower now, but my grip was still slippery. Slowly his fingers curled around my wrist. I wince, imagining the flames engulfing my skin once more...

"Lucy?" His voice was soft. "What are you doing?"

"I don't want you to die..." I whisper, tears filling my eyes.

He cracks a smile. "Weirdo... I do this all the time..."

I swallow, averting my eyes. "Go away..."

His eyes are sad. "I can't if you're holding onto me..."

* * *

Lucy's fingers slide a little bit on my skin. She is shaking like crazy, her eyes looking away from my face. A surge of courage floods through me... "It seems like you don't want to let go, Luce..." I stop, suddenly realizing what I said... No...she has to let go...I could burn her again...

_"You're a monster!" __"It's the devil!" __"That kid must be possessed!" __"You're a monster, Natsu Dragneel! I don't ever want to see you again!"_

These words of the past sit on my heart, sinking deeper into me. She has to let go...she has to...

Lucy's eyes are wide, staring straight into my eyes. This time it's me that looks away, my eyes filling with tears again... "Never mind, Lucy...let go... Let go so I don't hurt you again..."

Her lip is trembling as fingers suddenly tighten around my wrist. "I can't..." she whispers. "I can't live without you..." The weight and meaning of her worlds settle on my chest like a rock, pressure flooding through my body. I can't help but to cry now, the salt of my tears mixing with the falling rain. I can see the fear in Lucy's eyes, both fear for me and fear of me... But there's something else there too...something that I can't recognize...

"Lucy..." I whisper. "I can't live with knowing I've hurt you... If you never want to see me again...then I'll go..."

"No..." I jolt my head upwards, my eyes meeting hers. "Please...don't go..."

"I don't understand..." Tears fill my eyes again. "You said you hated me...Lucy..."

"I don't know how I feel!" she screams, tears flowing down her face. "Just...come here..." She closes her eyes, trying to calm down. "We...we need to talk..."

* * *

I pull him up to the window sill, shaking as I do so. It's so hard to keep my hand steady, especially since he's grasping my burn... I erase all thoughts from my head, concentrating only on the task in front of me... With one strong tug, I pull him back onto the windowsill.

His dark eyes study my face, sad and filled with guilt. I'm shaking, wondering why the hell I just pulled him _back_ into my apartment after I kicked him out...

"I..." I sob, looking away from him. "I'm sorry!"

"What do you have to be sorry about?" he asks, his voice empty and hollow. "This is my fault...I was the one who lost control and fucking burned you..."

"But I caused your anger..." I whisper. "I c-caused you to loose control..." Shaking, I grip the edge of my desk with both hands. Tears fall from my eyes, splattering onto my hands. "Because...I b-blamed you for something that you c-couldn't control..." Unable to contain my emotion, I fall to the floor, sobbing and screaming out, "THIS IS ALL MY FAULT!"

"What has gotten into your head?!" he exclaims loudly. "IT'S MY FAULT! I-!" Then he freezes mid-sentence, a look of despair crossing his features. "And now look..." he whispers. "We're arguing again..." He buries his face in his hands, sobbing loudly. "We've broken apart..."

* * *

Through the gaps between my fingers I can see her face as she looks up at me... Tears are falling down her cheeks in thick, clear lines... I caused this... I made her cry... I broke us apart... "**FUCKING DAMMIT**!" A sudden rage floods through my body, and before I know what's happening, my fist is in the wall. Cracks spread out where my knuckles touched, lines dividing the wall into pieces...just like me and Lucy...

Then I hear her screams...she screams my name, desperately trying to get me to win control over myself again... I glance at her out of the corner of my eyes...and my heart breaks again... She lies on the floor, her face coated in tears, her eyes filled with fear and pain...

My knees melt from under me, and I fall to the floor as beside her, shaking and sobbing... I pull her trembling form into my arms, breathing in the scent of her hair... She's so cold...

"Shit, Luce..." I whisper, tears falling off my face. "I'm so damn sorry... I...I want you to trust me again..."

"I...I'm sorry too..." she replies, and then she melts into my chest, grabbing onto my shirt as she cries. She seems so vulnerable, like a child...yet...there is a certain strength in the way she curls up against me. I know it will never be the same between us. From now on, we'll both be more cautious with each other... But that doesn't matter to me...because I know one thing...

_I am forgiven._

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**I'm sorry for any OOC-ness... I tried my best to keep them in-character. A review would be appreciated. Feel free to criticize, as long as you're not mean about it. All flames go to Natsu XD**

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**~ForeverDreamer12, signing out.**


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